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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25204345">play destroy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee'>thunderylee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NEWS (Japan Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Universe, Collars, D/s themes, M/M, Mentions of Current Events, Pet Play, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sad Ending, and yet here it is, dead otp, dick piercing, i did not want to write this, rip tegoshige, saying goodbye with porn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:22:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25204345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What Shige sees is so, so much worse than a simple coming-out announcement. It’s a rush of memories flooding him at once, curly brown hair and a sparkly pink collar, shrill moans and firm thighs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kato Shigeaki/Tegoshi Yuya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>play destroy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it's way too soon for this, but that guy came out of nowhere saying he wanted an owner regardless of gender and i HAD TO. it was a compulsion. i'm sorry shige. title from the song by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8XVZ65JEB0">poppy ft grimes</a> which somehow represents my feelings atm rather nicely.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The only reason Shige doesn’t throw his phone across the room is because setting up a new one is a pain in the ass and <em>not</em> because he is a reasonable adult who can control his temper. Right now, all he wants to do is <em>break</em> something, and just because he knows better doesn’t make his adrenaline any less lethal.</p><p>He tried removing Instagram from his phone. He’d tried muting that guy’s name from his news feeds and filtering his secret Twitter account. He doesn’t <em>care</em>, he keeps lying to himself, he has no interest in how that guy chooses to spend his time now, which is apparently oversharing on social media like a regular person.</p><p>It’s actually Koyama’s sister who had inspired this latest rage, simply by sending the message “Did you know Tegoshi-kun was bisexual?” and Shige used his Google app to load the post instead.</p><p>What Shige sees is so, so much worse than a simple coming-out announcement. It’s a rush of memories flooding him at once, curly brown hair and a sparkly pink collar, shrill moans and firm thighs. It’s been <em>years</em> and it could have happened this morning for how vivid the scenes are behind his eyes, strong enough to make him physically squeeze his eyes shut, though that does nothing to make them go away.</p><p>Praising his earlier decision not to smash his phone against the wall, he scrolls through his contact list to the number he hasn’t yet be able to delete. “You’ll forgive him someday” and “Nothing is worth throwing away seventeen years of friendship over” echo between his ears, both in Koyama’s voice, and Shige scoffs. Koyama had no idea what those two got up to together during all those years of “friendship,” and he never will.</p><p><em>Is this still Yuuya’s phone</em><em>?</em> he sends, vague enough not to be misinterpreted by a stranger. He can count on one hand how many times he’s used that guy’s given name, outside of bed anyway, but it’s necessary until he’s sure it’s really him.</p><p><em>Who wants to know?</em> comes the reply several seconds later, from someone who is clearly on top of their phone at the moment. If it <em>is</em> the right number, that means Shige’s contact information has been deleted already, and Shige seethes at the possibility. <em>He’s</em> the one who gets to be mad and petty here. Not the one who chose to leave.</p><p><em>This is Aki</em>, Shige replies, unearthing the old nickname that hadn’t really stuck. <em>It’s been a while, so I’m not sure if this is the right number anymore</em>.</p><p>Shige holds his breath for the entire ten seconds it takes to get a response. <em>Sorry, man. I’m not Yuuya. Good luck finding him though.</em> </p><p>Of course, that guy would get a new number. His lawyer probably advised him to do it. He already <em>moved</em> for fuck’s sake. This whole “second life” of his seems to require giving his current life a complete overhaul while continuing to talk about the other members like everything is fine between them. It’s not.</p><p>Shige’s surprised the face that stares back at him from Instagram is still framed by blond. He needs to close the app and turn off his phone; it’s already late and nothing good will come from him perusing the Internet anymore tonight. He knows he made the right choice when he drops the phone onto his low table because the tension in his hand suddenly disperses. He’d been gripping it pretty hard.</p><p>He needs to do something with all of this extra energy, so he goes for a run. Running is probably his least favorite form of exercise, but his options are limited until the gyms open back up. Besides, it’s nice to be outside even in the heat of summer. Two miles and a lot of sweat later, Shige feels a little better, if just exhausted. He wishes his mind would get tired like his body does.</p><p>He approaches someone standing in front of his building and does a double take, flashy blond hair and atrocious clothing riling him up all over again. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“You summoned,” Tegoshi answers easily, a sly smile creeping onto his face. “I gave my old phone to a friend. <em>Aki</em>.”</p><p>Shige shivers at the knowing tone, but he doesn’t let it show. “Did you know Koyama’s sister follows your Instagram?”</p><p>“She does?” Tegoshi’s face lights up. “That’s so sweet. I always liked her.”</p><p>“She messaged me today to ask if I knew you were bisexual.”</p><p>Tegoshi’s laugh takes Shige back about ten years, hearty and so forceful that he almost doubles over where he stands. “What did you tell her?”</p><p>“I evaded the question,” Shige answers, glancing up toward the window of his apartment as he considers his options. “Will you come inside? I need to shower.”</p><p>“I’ll go wherever you want,” Tegoshi says clearly, and it haunts Shige the whole way upstairs. The last thing they need to do is have it out on the sidewalk where anyone can take a video, though Shige’s only a little concerned that they would actually fight. Everything in Tegoshi’s voice screams that that’s not why he came here tonight.</p><p>Sure enough, Tegoshi holds out a worn piece of suede the instant Shige closes the door behind them, effectively stopping Shige in his tracks. If seeing the words had conjured past memories, seeing the actual <em>object</em> has them surging through Shige’s nerves like he was living it all over again. Something tells him that he’s about to.</p><p>“I can’t believe you still have that,” Shige tells him, wiping his face with a towel as he stares longingly down the hall.</p><p>“I can’t believe you still want me.’</p><p>Shige’s eyes snap over to Tegoshi, who isn’t as cocky as his words imply. He looks <em>surprised</em> and a little embarrassed, such a honest face Shige hasn’t seen in so long that he can’t find the words to express everything going through his mind—and body—right now.</p><p>“I found it when I was packing,” Tegoshi goes on, taking a careful step forward like Shige would hit him if he moved too fast. Shige frowns at the implication; he would <em>never</em> hurt anyone. Even when Tegoshi wanted it rough, he couldn’t bring himself to inflict pain. “When I heard you’d reached out, I thought it might be about that post.”</p><p>“You can’t just...” Shige starts, adrenaline filling him for a different reason. “You can’t just <em>say</em> things like that and expect it not to affect me. I was your...and now I’m nothing.”</p><p>“You’re not nothing,” Tegoshi says gently, tentatively reaching out for Shige’s wrist. When Shige doesn’t shove him away, he rubs Shige’s forearm gently. “I know you’re mad at me right now, and there’s nothing I can say to make it better, but if you put this around my neck again, I can spend the night making it up to you.”</p><p>Shige inhales sharply at the possibility. He knows he should refuse, because he’s still giving in even if he’s the one in control, but the promise of collaring this person again is too enticing to pass up. Tegoshi’s not the only one who missed this.</p><p>The gasp Tegoshi emits when Shige takes the strip of faded pink suede from him further ignites his dominant streak. “Has anyone else done this to you since me?”</p><p>“Yes,” Tegoshi answers, promptly lowering his head and pushing his mess of hair out of the way to expose his neck. “It was unsatisfying. None of them could do it right. They weren’t you.”</p><p>Shige chuckles as the collar practically burns his hand with how badly he wants to put it on, but all he does is brush the bared skin with his fingertips and watch Tegoshi shiver. “If I put this on you, you’re <em>mine</em>. You will do what I say without question until I take it off. Do you understand”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Tegoshi breathes out, nodding for effect. He wavers in his stance as Shige’s fingers linger on the very base of his skull. “I am still allowed to beg, right?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Shige says. <em>Nothing</em> has made him feel more powerful than when this one was pleading to him. “I’m going to put this on you, then I’m going to take a shower. You are to wait for me in my bed until I return. You may remove your clothes if you wish, but do not touch yourself. Do you understand?”</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>Shige’s hands shake as he fastens the collar, but Tegoshi’s whole body is shaking. It’s more than just a simple act for them—always has been, since the first time Tegoshi wore a choker to practice and Shige couldn’t keep his eyes off of it. Back then, Shige wasn’t as brave and didn’t really understand his feelings, but Tegoshi’s been shameless since the womb and called Shige out the first chance he got.</p><p>It took Shige a long time to come to terms with what he wanted, and even longer to purchase the collar that still latches, if not sparkles, but he couldn’t deny the way it made him feel that very first time just like it does now. It’s like the last ten years never happened, definitely not the past few months, and all of the anger and resentment Shige has been harboring just seeps out of his body.</p><p>Tegoshi makes an obscene noise as Shige tightens the collar, using his fingers to make sure Tegoshi has enough space to breathe, unable to pull his hands away from Tegoshi’s head even after urging it back up. Tegoshi’s eyes are already hooded, the submissive trance shining from him like a drug high, and Shige gently strokes his face with affection he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.</p><p>“I'll be back shortly,” he says, and Tegoshi nods as he melts in to the touch.</p><p>Shige has to physically pry himself away and force one foot in front of the other toward the bathroom, like some unknown force is magnetically attracting them together. He makes it to the shower and washes the sweat off, taking the opportunity to check in with his right mind now that it’s made a brief reappearance and make sure that this is what he really wants to do.</p><p>Being as his skin tingles everywhere the water makes contact, his every nerve singeing for what’s waiting for him in his bed, Shige thinks that his right mind may be a little biased right now.</p><p>Fuck it. He can regret it later.</p><p>He dries off quickly and shrugs into his robe, tying it loosely around his middle as he thinks about making Tegoshi take it off. Slowly, not fast like Tegoshi undoubtedly wants to; part of the reason that one likes being submissive so much is so that he can appreciate what’s being asked of him without rushing. The one time they had talked about it, collar still on to invite brutal honesty, Tegoshi admitted that his impatience gets in the way of really taking the time to enjoy sex, and he needs another person to control his pace. Someone he trusts.</p><p>Shige inhales sharply at still being that trusted person after all this time, especially <em>now</em>, and he crosses the hall before he can talk himself out of it. The sight that greets him has him almost running into his door frame, Tegoshi’s naked body writhing around on the bed like he can’t stay still, one hand fisting the sheets while the other grips his collar like he needs the pressure on his neck. Like Shige was gone too long.</p><p>Tegoshi notices him and reaches out with both hands, completely vulnerable and needy and Shige’s a fucking <em>idiot</em> for leaving him alone when he’s not used to it anymore. Shige nearly trips over his feet crossing the room and flops onto his bed, crawling the remaining distance until he can touch Tegoshi’s trembling body, running both palms over Tegoshi’s arms and chest until he calms down.</p><p>“I forgot,” Shige says, his eyes falling shut as Tegoshi leans up to push his forehead into Shige’s cheek. “Being collared with no one around is painful, right?”</p><p>“I deserve it,” Tegoshi whispers softly, choking on his breath as Shige lifts a hand to stroke his hair. “I hurt you. Punish me accordingly.”</p><p>“I will <em>not</em>,” Shige says firmly, and Tegoshi shudders so sharply that Shige feels it everywhere they make contact. “If you came here for that, you can leave.”</p><p>“No, nonono,” Tegoshi pleads, pawing at Shige’s chest until he feels skin. “Don’t...I’ll do whatever you want. Please don’t throw me away yet.”</p><p>His choice of words breaks Shige’s heart, has him holding Tegoshi close to him until the rapid thump of his heartbeat slows down. Tegoshi curls into him with his whole body and Shige reacquaints himself with soft skin and firm muscles, his conscience fading in favor of pure sensation. It’s not lust, at least not yet, just the equivalent of Tegoshi’s sub trance in the dominant headspace, where Shige’s entire focus becomes taking care of Tegoshi and making him comfortable.</p><p>It takes a good couple minutes for Tegoshi to calm down, his soft noises rumbling like a low purr as Shige drags his fingers mindlessly along Tegoshi’s body. One hand slides up to his neck and struggles to pry open Tegoshi’s death grip, taking the worn suede between his fingers and tugging lightly. The resulting moan surges right down Shige’s spine, settling between his legs so strongly that he lets out his own groan, which Tegoshi physically latches onto as he presses his face into Shige’s neck.</p><p>Something shiny catches Shige's eye and he notices a gold ring where there definitely wasn’t one before. “That’s new,” he says quietly, flicking it with his thumb, and Tegoshi hardens before his eyes.</p><p>“I’ve had it for a while now,” Tegoshi replies, squirming a little as Shige pulls back the foreskin to get a good look. “I really like it.”</p><p>“I can tell,” Shige says.</p><p>He plays with the piercing a few more times until Tegoshi’s thrusting into his hand, whining and moaning so beautifully that Shige doesn’t want to wait anymore.</p><p>“Get on top of me,” he forces the words out, and immediately he’s rolled over onto his back with Tegoshi’s full weight sinking into his chest, the robe falling open on its own. “Kiss me. <em>Slowly</em>.”</p><p>Both of Tegoshi’s hands cup Shige’s face as he complies, harsh puffs of air hitting Shige’s cheek as he struggles to restrain himself. His lips are as soft as Shige remembers and Shige’s the one kissing back heatedly, wrapping both arms around Tegoshi’s back without letting go of the collar as his mind fades into the passion growing between them.</p><p>Tegoshi licks Shige’s tongue and Shige feels it in his toes, deepening their kiss faster than he would like, but he’s not in control anymore. At least, not his brain, which is quickly giving in to his instincts to nurture and love his pet regardless of the circumstances. And since he’s only ever done this with Tegoshi, it’s Tegoshi who gets the unconditional affection that wants to burst from Shige’s pores.</p><p>“Yuuya,” he whispers between kisses, his voice pulling right from his heart. “My beautiful Yuuya.”</p><p>Tegoshi lets out a pleased hum that vibrates Shige’s chest, and Shige can feel the smile pressed against his lips. “Thank you.”</p><p>Shige drifts his fingers up and down Tegoshi’s spine until Tegoshi shivers, maintaining his balance by lifting his knees to either side of Shige’s waist, effectively straddling him. Cold metal and hard flesh bump Shige’s hip and Tegoshi gasps, clutching onto Shige’s shoulders and trembling again as Tegoshi clearly tries to keep from rubbing off against him.</p><p>The hand that’s not hooked to Tegoshi’s collar goes right for Tegoshi’s thigh, squeezing the thick muscle that has him groaning into Tegoshi’s mouth as the heat within his own body rises. He always did like touching Tegoshi’s thighs, nice and toned from years of soccer, and he doesn’t mind how it has Tegoshi pressing closer either. His own cock is trapped between the valleys of Tegoshi’s lower abdomen and he can’t stop himself from rocking up for friction.</p><p>“Touch me,” Shige gets out, slipping all four fingers underneath the collar to twist in the hair at the base of Tegoshi’s neck. “Slowly. I want to last long enough to be inside you, if you’ll have me.”</p><p>“Of course I’ll have you,” Tegoshi replies, his own fingers skipping down Shige’s chest in a way that almost tickles. “You always have my consent.”</p><p>“You still get to say no,” Shige tells him, and Tegoshi smiles against his lips as he wraps his hand around Shige’s cock. “Mm, that feels good.”</p><p>“I didn’t forget,” Tegoshi says, kissing his way down Shige’s neck until he finds the spot just above his collarbone that has him arching beneath him. “I remember everything you like.”</p><p>He flicks his wrist just right and Shige moans out loud, his hips snapping on their own to feel more. Tegoshi whines like it’s painful for <em>him</em> to hold back when Shige’s writhing beneath him; to his credit, he doesn’t increase his speed one bit. He does lower his head, his kisses peppering Shige’s upper chest until they tease a nipple, and Shige belatedly realizes he’s been guiding Tegoshi by the collar, his entire hand wrapped around the back of his neck underneath the suede.</p><p>“Yuuya,” Shige gasps, and Tegoshi’s questioning noise stimulates his nipple even more. “Put it in your mouth, please.”</p><p>This is something else that Tegoshi gets to say no to, because Shige won’t force him to do it even if he’s completely under Shige’s command. Tegoshi has to <em>want</em> to do it for it to be good for Shige; it’s so much better that way than just following orders.</p><p>Tegoshi doesn’t say no, doesn’t say much of anything as he continues down Shige’s abdomen and meets his hand with his mouth. Shige’s fingers twist in the collar now, his only remaining brain cells making sure he doesn’t accidentally choke him, though Tegoshi does a good job of that himself once he takes Shige’s cock all the way into the back of his throat.</p><p>“So good,” Shige says, because Tegoshi <em>thrives</em> on praise and it has him sucking him down little bit more, swallowing around the head. “Yuuya...just like that.”</p><p>Tegoshi’s the one who moans around Shige’s cock as he starts to move back and forth, slowly but intensely, and Shige lets it go on as long as he can. Right now, all he knows is Tegoshi’s mouth and how good it feels pleasuring him so well, and he wants to bottle up this feeling and keep it forever. Both hands are in Tegoshi’s hair now, though they’re holding on more than regulating the pace as Tegoshi takes care of that well enough himself.</p><p>He only makes it a few more minutes before tugging gently on the collar, effectively pulling Tegoshi off of him. “Get up here and bring me the lube.”</p><p>Tegoshi practically flies off of Shige, testing the length of Shige’s arm span as he leans over to the nightstand to get what they need. Shige notices that he grabs a condom too, which is considerate since it had slipped Shige’s mind that they weren’t exclusive anymore, not that they ever really were. Regardless, he rewards the thoughtfulness by pulling Tegoshi back into his arms, giving him the opportunity to settle comfortably before he coats his fingers.</p><p>“You think you can ride me?” Shige asks, and Tegoshi nods as he brings his face back up toward Shige’s. “Wouldn’t want to strain your knees.”</p><p>“I can take it,” Tegoshi says, a little defensively, and Shige sees a hint of the brat the collar has subdued shine through. “Shige, I <em>need</em> you.”</p><p>The emphasis shoots straight through Shige’s heart, bringing his mouth to Tegoshi’s neck as he slips his fingers between those thighs. Tegoshi’s already moaning before Shige gets behind his balls, then two hands are gripping onto his arms as he eases the first finger inside. Shige’s still touching Tegoshi’s collar, never straying too far from it, and he finds himself pressing his lips to Tegoshi’s adam’s apple as it jumps from everything Shige is doing to him.</p><p>“Shige,” Tegoshi moans, arching so beautifully that Shige has to lean back and look at him, engraving the image on his soul. “More, please? I’ve been so good tonight.”</p><p>“You have,” Shige tells him, and Tegoshi preens while riding the two fingers that twist their way inside him. “I’m gonna reward you soon.”</p><p>“You already have,” Tegoshi says, offering a small smile as he leans down to brush his lips against Shige’s without being told.</p><p>Shige lets it slide, inviting Tegoshi back into his mouth as he presses in a third finger, Tegoshi’s moans tickling his tongue. Tegoshi’s moving back and forth more than Shige’s pushing in and out, and Shige’s cock twitches in anticipation to take the place of his fingers. He’s the one who groans as he touches Tegoshi particularly deep, fingertips grazing the spot that has him jerking and crying out into Shige’s mouth.</p><p>“Shige, <em>please</em>,” Tegoshi whines, singing Shige’s favorite song. “I know you want it, so please <em>please</em> let me take it.”</p><p>“You may put the condom on me,” Shige compromises, and Tegoshi rushes to tear open the foil packet and roll it onto Shige’s length. “Use some more lube too, you’re really tight.”</p><p>“Been a while,” Tegoshi mumbles. “I want you <em>so badly</em>, I don’t care how much it hurts.”</p><p>“I do,” Shige says firmly, kissing the pout that forms on Tegoshi’s flushed face. “What kind of owner would I be if I let you get hurt, huh? You’re already gonna be sore for a few days.”</p><p>“Mm, I can’t wait.” Tegoshi kisses him deeply, his lubed hand moving a little too fast on Shige’s sheathed erection. “Can I have it now, Shige, please?”</p><p>Shige intends for his groan to sound frustrated, but all he hears resounding in his own head is <em>yearning</em> and he doesn’t have a good reason for putting this off anymore. “Yes.”</p><p>It’s almost amusing how fast Tegoshi jumps from Shige’s fingers to his cock, but Shige’s too distracted to laugh. The hand that’s not clutching Tegoshi’s collar returns to his thigh as Tegoshi sinks down, both of them gasping for air as Tegoshi falls out of Shige’s mouth. Shige watches him get settled, swiveling his hips in a way that has Shige’s eyes rolling back into his head, though that’s nothing compared to when he starts to <em>move</em>.</p><p>Tegoshi’s moan sends a shiver up Shige’s spine, and it doesn’t <em>stop</em>. Shige’s seduced by both Tegoshi’s body and his voice, the noises speeding up along with Tegoshi’s hips that ride him like an expert. He angles himself until Shige’s hitting him just right, wasting no time taking what he wants because Shige said he could. He’s waited long enough—they both have—and this is <em>both</em> of their rewards for holding out this long.</p><p>Shige’s overtaken by his own groans as he gives it right back, planting his feet on the bed and bending his knees to thrust hard enough to send Tegoshi flying forward, crashing into Shige’s chest where he stays and moans even louder at Shige pounding him like this. He desperately pushes back despite the bad angle but he doesn’t try to get back up, struggling to keep a good grip on Shige’s body through their combined sweat.</p><p>“Touch yourself,” Shige orders, his own coherence dwindling with each hard thrust deep into Tegoshi. “I want to feel you come just like this.”</p><p>Immediately, Tegoshi shoves a hand between them, and his moans turn even more melodic. Shige can feel Tegoshi’s knuckles brushing against his belly and tightens his grip on both hands, moving as fast as he can to chase that sweet, sweet release that taunts him in the distance.</p><p>It goes on for so long that Shige almost loses his rhythm, almost wonders why Tegoshi’s taking so long to finish, but Shige knows it’s because somewhere in the back of his mind, he doesn’t want it to end, because Shige feels the same way. Once it ends, it’s <em>over</em>, and even Shige’s mid-coital brain is intelligent enough to want to put that off for as long as possible. Even if his abs are going to protest tomorrow; his hips are already feeling the strain he’s put on them.</p><p>“Come, Yuuya,” Shige finally makes himself say, because they can’t stay like this forever. “Come for me, my Yuuya.”</p><p>Tegoshi whines at the possessive, then his breaths get louder as he strokes himself faster and tugs on the piercing. “Gonna come,” he gets out, harsh breaths chilling the sweat on Shige’s chest. “<em>Shige</em>.”</p><p>The beautiful way Tegoshi moans his name resounds in Shige’s own head as he finally lets go, snapping his hips a few more times before falling still. He feels Tegoshi’s release on his belly and makes a face, at which Tegoshi chuckles as he carefully pulls off of Shige and curls up to the side.</p><p>When Shige turns to look at him, he’s crying. Just barely, the shine of liquid in his eyes and a pink nose that isn’t part of the post-orgasm flush. It’s sub drop, though the sudden smack of reality undoubtedly makes it worse. Shige frowns but lets it happen, pushing Tegoshi’s sweat-soaked bangs out of his face before returning his fingers to the collar.</p><p>“Please don’t take it off yet,” Tegoshi whispers, a tear finally falling down his cheek. “I know I have to leave soon, just...not yet.”</p><p>“Okay,” Shige agrees, leaning forward to press his lips to Tegoshi’s forehead, which has even more tears spilling over. He wraps his arms around Tegoshi’s shaking body and holds him close, the lingering sweat from their sex making them slide together a little, and Shige makes a face at the sensation. “Let’s take a bath.”</p><p>Tegoshi nods and Shige begins the daunting process of dragging Tegoshi toward the bathroom. Shige has done this many times before, with or without sex being involved, but it probably won’t happen again. That’s the reality that smacks <em>Shige</em> in the face, his orgasmic bliss penetrated with all of the bad feelings he’d put aside in favor of mindless pleasure.</p><p>It takes Tegoshi a few seconds to notice, having taken it upon himself to turn the taps and fill up the tub, and when Shige sees his face fall, his heart breaks all over again.</p><p>But Tegoshi smiles and leans forward, placing Shige’s hand on the collar. “Go ahead. Take it off.”</p><p>Shige may be in charge, but Tegoshi can choose to end this at any time he wishes, and he just did it for the first time in Shige’s memory. He carefully unfastens the latch and removes the collar, placing it on the sink with one hand while the other rubs the faint pink marks it left behind.</p><p>“I want you to keep it,” Tegoshi tells him, lifting his head to look at Shige with sad eyes. “Throw it away if you must, but I can’t be the one to do that. It’s yours, like I was.”</p><p>Shige just nods his agreement and guides them into the tub. They bathe in silence, taking turns washing each other’s hair and backs, and it’s not until they’re toweling off that Shige finally speaks what’s on his mind.</p><p>“Is this what you want?” he asks, clenching his hands into fists with the anger that fuels him at the thought of Tegoshi walking away from him again.</p><p>“No,” Tegoshi answers firmly, and Shige deflates as quickly as he’d gotten riled up. “But it is what <em>you</em> want.”</p><p>Shige scoffs despite all of the truth behind the accusation. “How do you know what I want?”</p><p>“I know <em>you</em>,” Tegoshi says, a small smile spreading slowly on his face as he hangs up the towel and gets dressed. “You don’t forgive easily, and even if you did, I broke your trust. It only worked because we were friends, and we’re not friends anymore, are we?”</p><p>Shige swallows as his heart argues with his brain. “No, we’re not.”</p><p>“Maybe one day can we can try again,” Tegoshi says brightly, and <em>him</em> being the one to comfort <em>Shige </em>in this situation makes Shige want to punch him in the face. “But I won’t hold my breath.”</p><p>Shige stares as Tegoshi grabs his phone and keys and starts to walk toward the front door. Words fail Shige, everything he wants to say getting tangled up with everything he <em>shouldn’t</em> say, and he honestly thinks Tegoshi’s just going to leave it like this until he turns around with the fakest idol grin Shige’s ever seen on his face.</p><p>“Thanks for everything,” Tegoshi says. “Tonight, and the past seventeen years. I will always cherish our times together, good and bad. Let’s do our best on our separate paths, okay?”</p><p>Shige blinks and suddenly he can’t see, but the closing of the front door tells him that Tegoshi probably didn’t notice. Even if he did, it doesn’t matter now. He’s gone.</p><p>It’s not the first time Shige has cried because of that guy, but hopefully it will be the last. This may have not been the most orthodox of goodbyes, but somehow it was perfect for them.</p><p>If Shige sleeps with the collar held firmly in his hand, that’s his own business.</p>
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